Guilt and Grief: Making A Living Amends
Amends translates to aligning your words with your actions while learning in recovery how to live by a new set of principles to maintain a sober lifestyle. It’s possible to be too early in the healing journey to living amends start making amends. If you’re actively using drugs or alcohol, making amends can seem like an empty gesture to the other person. While you may genuinely want to repair your relationships, it’s a good idea to focus on your sobriety first.
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An example would be telling someone how sorry you are that you stole from them and actually giving back what you took. Cake offers its users do-it-yourself online forms to complete their own wills and generalized educational content about wills. We are not attorneys and are not providing you with legal advice.
- When you’re looking to change both your behavior and your broken relationships, stop making excuses to fulfill your promises.
- A true amend would be giving him $20 back along with the apology.
- If interacting with someone re-traumatizes you, or increases your risk of relapse, you might want to reconsider approaching them.
Tips for Dealing With Grief, Guilt, & Regret
We talked about the complicated processes of self-forgiveness and self-compassion. We’ve filled you in on heroin addiction things that can exacerbate guilt, like hindsight bias and survivors’ guilt. We’ve given you journaling exercises around coping with regret. These promises are often the most difficult to keep because addiction plays a decisive role in a person’s ability to live up to their promises.
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We believe that the only path to forgiveness is asking it of the person we love, the person we believe we hurt, and making amends for what we did wrong. That might not be so tricky if the person were still alive. You’re left with a mountain of guilt and no one to apologize to, no one from whom you can ask forgiveness or make amends. Talk with your sponsor or others in your recovery community about what has worked for them. If your actions match your intentions and you reach out in person, you are doing the next right thing to right past wrongs. And remember, if you are feeling ashamed about mistakes made and damage done during your using days, you are not your disease.
When held in the bonds of an addiction, it’s not uncommon for many relationships to feel strain, or to fall apart together. Living amends can help you rid yourself of the pain of guilt and the need to constantly say “I’m sorry” to the people you’ve wronged in your life. When a person has died, you can still make amends for your actions. Although, you’ll have to find a different way to do so and in a way that makes a lasting impact on you and the people you love who are still here.
We are not tied to the old behaviors of our disease, or to our character defects. Although it sounds lofty, there are realistic, achievable ways to implement examples of making amends. Although recovery in general must be done selfishly (i.e. you must put yourself before others in order to get well), Step Nine is the most selfless of all steps. It’s the point where we acknowledge that our behaviors damage others beyond ourselves. But to rectify this damage, we can’t maintain the same “me first” attitude that many of the other steps require. Experiencing a mental health or substance use issue can be intimidating but you don’t have to do it alone.
- Through our various sober living programs and services, our members gain the tools to reflect on their past and communicate more effectively.
- With their extensive knowledge and empathetic approach, clients receive the support and expertise needed to navigate the challenges of addiction.
- When you’re ready to make amends, you can find support to guide you through the process.
Virtual Grief Groups
In those cases, we can make amends in a broader sense by taking actions like donating money, volunteering our time or providing care. The amends process either directly or indirectly, it reinforces positive behaviors, your willingness to take ownership of your actions, and any resulting consequences. Making an apology simply involves telling the person you hurt you are sorry. The inflection in your voice should convey remorse and show the other person you acknowledge your behavior hurt them in some manner. However, it does not let the person know you have changed your behaviors.